Reverb10 ~ Let Go

December 5 – Let Go.
What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
(Author: Alice Bradley)

I don’t know if I let go, or gave in, but this year I accepted that I can NOT do everything on my own. When the Hubs deployed the first time after Squishy’s birth I knew it was going to be hard, but I assumed I could handle it just fine on my own. Afterall I had already been through 5 deployments as a couple.

Boy was I wrong. With no family living in Las Vegas, and my inability to ask for help by the time my Hubs returned 4 months later, I was so beyond exhausted it wasn’t even funny. During that deployment I questioned every decision I made, with ever lost minute of sleep I lost confidence in myself as a mother.

When the Hubs did come home, he helped me to regain my confidence by letting me get some sleep, and acknowledging how amazingly hard it must have been to do it on my own.

Sure I had friends, but they were newer friends with families of their own. I didn’t want to be an inconvenience, so I put up a good front. But I knew I was drowning trying to do everything on my own.

So this next time when the Hubs deployed, I was better prepared. My sister-in-law had moved out to Las Vegas and in with us for the time being. I had set up time for just me, Mommy bingo nights, and I made the decision to sleep train the baby. (Who was over 1 year.)

So in 2010 gave into or let go of feeling like I needed to do everything on my own. It is still a work in progress. I still question myself and my choices at times, but I am trying to cut myself some slack, and ask for help.