Riding against emotions {#Cycling}

The last weekend in October I did something I have never done before in my whole life.  I rode 40 miles on my bike.  I should have nothing but pride in myself for this ride, and while I really enjoyed the ride, I can’t help feeling like I could have/should have done better.

My Route

Let’s state the facts here:

• I started riding my bike Mid-September.  In fact prior to than I didn’t even own a bike.
• Having only been riding for 1.5 months, I had never ridden further than 20 miles at one time.
• Thanks to  late night nerves and a restless toddler, I set my alarm but didn’t actually turn it on. (I usually rely on my son to wake me up.)
• I was supposed to be at the park at 7:15am for an 8am start time.  Thanks to the previously mentioned alarm snafu I arrived at 8:05am.
• I have never participated in a bike ride event before.
• Not even 50 feet after starting 2 police officers (directing traffic) send me in the opposite direction of the route.
• I rode about 2 miles before I realized I hadn’t seen anyone, or any signs.
• I turned around.
• I was going to just to the 20 miler.
• I was convinced I could still do the 40.
• The first 20 miles were pretty awesome.
• Miles 21-27 were the most intense hills I have ever done.
• I pushed through and made it up the hill, albeit very slowly.
• Mile 28 I thought I had it in the bag.
• Mile 29 I thought I was going to cry. Okay, I did cry.
• Mile 32 I missed my husband and found myself longing for him and my son to be at the finish line.
• Mile 35 I encountered a drunk on a bike (which was much too small for him), who scared the crap out of me and called me an “F&%#ing Road wh@re”.
• Somewhere between miles 35 and 36 I got lost again.
• I suddenly found myself where I was 4 miles prior.
• I called for a ride.
• I NEVER crossed the finish line.
• I cried in front of a ton of strong women.
• I felt like a failure.
• I rode over 40 miles for the first time ever.

While I am 100% sure I rode closer to 45 miles that day, I am still beating myself up for not crossing the finish line. To me, I feel like it was a failed ride.  Instead of focusing on the fact that I beat those hills, and rode further than I have ever rode before, I focus on one line.

I am letting that one line get in the way of me accomplishing something I never thought prior to about a month ago I would do!

What do you do when a race/ride/event disappoints you?

This may have been my first ride, but it will NOT be my last.  The feeling I get when I am riding alone on my bike is something I have longed for in the years since my diving days.

It is peaceful and powerful.

Personal and promising.

Next year when the Goldilocks comes to town I will be riding the 60.

Next year I will have more experience under my belt.

Next year I will cross the finish line.

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Emily

Emily is a wife & mom living in Las Vegas. The owner and writer at Our Knight Life, Emily loves sharing her two adorable boys and journey through motherhood. Emily has run four half marathons to date and is always training for her next big race. She also enjoys creating healthy recipes for her family and sharing family friendly product reviews.

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