Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat.

If you say it enough times it can start to sounds really negative.

But is FAT a negative word, or do we give power to the word FAT thus making it negative?

Dictionary.com defines FAT as:

There is not much in there that is directly negative.  Of course it isn’t a good thing to be obese, but it isn’t a hateful thing either.

I am one of the people who give power to the word FAT.

I have stood in front of my mirror on countless occasions and cried at what I have let my body become.  I had/have become FAT.  I stopped putting myself first, and began to eat my emotions.  I allowed myself to become FAT.  Furthermore, I allowed myself to add negativity to that word which only further pushed me into making bad food choices.

It’s easy to justify crappy food when you feel crappy about yourself.

Then one day my husband and I were in the middle of a pretty intense conversation and he said something to me that has stayed with me since.  He said (along the lines) he thought I was beautiful.  He loved me no matter how I looked.  But if I continued to shoot down every compliment he gave me with a negative body image statement he (and others) would stop giving me compliments and potentially start seeing me in that same light.

STOP.

It didn’t mean he loved me any less, it meant I had given so much power to my FAT that I was now allowing it to change the way others saw me.  I have no doubt in my mind that my husband loves me at every size I am.  But did I love myself?

UNACCEPTABLE.

There is nothing wrong with FAT.

There is something wrong with hating the way you look and feel, and realizing that the shape you are isn’t a healthy one.

Only YOU have the power to change that.  Only I can change the way I feel about my body.  If all of it is negative energy, tall, short, fat, skinny, it doesn’t matter the outcome will always be negative.

From that day on I realized that I needed to make changes to stop hating the way I felt about the FAT on my body.  It was there.  It is done.  Doesn’t mean it has to stay, but I can’t control the past, I can only control how I react today.

My journey towards a healthier me began about 2 years ago now.  I have lost weight, I have put it back on.  I have gained muscle, I have turned to food for comfort.  I have accepted my FAT is what it is, and I am making changes to finally look in the mirror and not just see the negative in it.

Today my body is growing another human being.  I can’t diet, but I can make smart choices.  I can’t lose weight, but I can continue exercising.

I work hard to not give my FAT the negative energy my mind and sometimes society works so hard to make me feel that it should.

It hasn’t been easy.  There are days when I am so frustrated with my body, but I can tell you my efforts are working.  I have accepted the fact that I may always have fat on my body. I will not ever look like one of those models, or be a size 2, 4, or even a 6.  I am 5’9. I have curves. I made babies. I like food.

That is OKAY!

I no longer see my stretch marks as weakness, but a sign of beauty and a reminder of the amazing things my body can do.

I am working to no longer seeing my fat as a limitation on how I view myself.

The world is full of negative associations to the word FAT.  Will you allow them to define you?

This post was inspired by a video I came across today on UpWorthy.com about the Internet calling a girl fat and her response to those mean comments.  I was so touched by her response, I felt I had to put my struggle with the word fat out there for the world to see.  Take a moment and check out her video.  Then tweet her @meghantonjes and let her know what you think!