Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat.
If you say it enough times it can start to sounds really negative.
But is FAT a negative word, or do we give power to the word FAT thus making it negative?
Dictionary.com defines FAT as:
There is not much in there that is directly negative. Of course it isn’t a good thing to be obese, but it isn’t a hateful thing either.
I am one of the people who give power to the word FAT.
I have stood in front of my mirror on countless occasions and cried at what I have let my body become. I had/have become FAT. I stopped putting myself first, and began to eat my emotions. I allowed myself to become FAT. Furthermore, I allowed myself to add negativity to that word which only further pushed me into making bad food choices.
It’s easy to justify crappy food when you feel crappy about yourself.
Then one day my husband and I were in the middle of a pretty intense conversation and he said something to me that has stayed with me since. He said (along the lines) he thought I was beautiful. He loved me no matter how I looked. But if I continued to shoot down every compliment he gave me with a negative body image statement he (and others) would stop giving me compliments and potentially start seeing me in that same light.
STOP.
It didn’t mean he loved me any less, it meant I had given so much power to my FAT that I was now allowing it to change the way others saw me. I have no doubt in my mind that my husband loves me at every size I am. But did I love myself?
UNACCEPTABLE.
There is nothing wrong with FAT.
There is something wrong with hating the way you look and feel, and realizing that the shape you are isn’t a healthy one.
Only YOU have the power to change that. Only I can change the way I feel about my body. If all of it is negative energy, tall, short, fat, skinny, it doesn’t matter the outcome will always be negative.
From that day on I realized that I needed to make changes to stop hating the way I felt about the FAT on my body. It was there. It is done. Doesn’t mean it has to stay, but I can’t control the past, I can only control how I react today.
My journey towards a healthier me began about 2 years ago now. I have lost weight, I have put it back on. I have gained muscle, I have turned to food for comfort. I have accepted my FAT is what it is, and I am making changes to finally look in the mirror and not just see the negative in it.
Today my body is growing another human being. I can’t diet, but I can make smart choices. I can’t lose weight, but I can continue exercising.
I work hard to not give my FAT the negative energy my mind and sometimes society works so hard to make me feel that it should.
It hasn’t been easy. There are days when I am so frustrated with my body, but I can tell you my efforts are working. I have accepted the fact that I may always have fat on my body. I will not ever look like one of those models, or be a size 2, 4, or even a 6. I am 5’9. I have curves. I made babies. I like food.
That is OKAY!
I no longer see my stretch marks as weakness, but a sign of beauty and a reminder of the amazing things my body can do.
I am working to no longer seeing my fat as a limitation on how I view myself.
The world is full of negative associations to the word FAT. Will you allow them to define you?
This post was inspired by a video I came across today on UpWorthy.com about the Internet calling a girl fat and her response to those mean comments. I was so touched by her response, I felt I had to put my struggle with the word fat out there for the world to see. Take a moment and check out her video. Then tweet her @meghantonjes and let her know what you think!
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Thank you for this!! I’m a big girl. Always have been, always will be. My perfect pant size… the one I’m trying to get to now… is a 10. A 10! Not a 2 or a 6. Double digits. Why? Because I’ll be healthy and I’ll love what I see in the mirror. For now I am struggling to lose weight but I don’t let it define me. I buy clothes that look good on my body and I let my husband enjoy all of me. Compliments are appreciated and taken gracefully without backlash 🙂 Go you!
Love it Danielle!! Thank you for sharing, and thank you for your kind words!
Well said Emily. I struggle with this every day. I know that if I can get more comfortable in the skin I am in right now I will be able to achieve the weight loss I am working on as well as become a happier person myself. Dave has said something similar to what your husband said. Dave proposed to me and started dating me when I was 100 pounds less then what I am now, he watched me grow and he continues to lve me no matter what. I need to start accepting his complements then shooting them down but cause you are right, one day he might stop. Thank you for sharing this.
Dave sounds like a wonderful support! Congrats on your journey, and I wish you lots of luck as you find the happy and healthy you!
Powerful post. And I was totally surprised by it, because you always seem so confident, and I assumed you saw yourself the way (and I’m sure others) see you; as a beautiful woman. Funny how your eyes & brain change when your scale & mirror get involved.
Thank you Alexandra! I started this journey a few years ago and have made a lot of changes in the way I think about and see myself. I am also pretty good at not sharing “my burdens” with others as I know that it is my own battle. It was very refreshing to share this and see how many others feel and have been in similar situations!
This is a great post and also enjoyed the video. I agree that so much of our self-image is wrapped up in how we think about ourselves.
Thank you Debra!
Very thoughtful post. I “love” your hubby for stopping you from hurting yourself. I agree, if we contnue to be negative, refuse compliments and embrace an attitude of despair, that’s the image everyone will see. I think you have inspired a lot of personal reflection with your share, regardless if the “issue” is about weight, height, hair, beauty etc. Thank you for opening my eyes, heart and own sense.
Thanks Michelle! And you are right it really does apply to so much more than just weight!
There’s so much more to a woman than her dress size . . . hooray for you realizing all this, hooray for your husband’s love and unconditional support, and hooray for curves and growing babies and loving food!
Thank you Sarah! You are very right!
What a great post, Emily! I have given too much power to the F word too!
I’m trying to lose weight right now, because of health reasons, but I decided that I probably won’t ever be the size I was when I was in my 20s, and that IS okay. I am far more than what you see on the outside. I want to be appreciated for what’s in my heart and my mind (brain). Period. Love this post and love the video!
Thank you Donna! I really appreciate your views and thoughts on your weight loss journey! I hope you get to a healthy and happy you!
A battle I have been struggling with myself since I was in the 4th grade. I do not want the FAT to win and consume my life. It is a tough battle but I know I can do it.
Great post!
Thanks Lolo! You are making great changes, I know this year is going to be your year! xo
To me if you don’t love your self how are you going to love someone else. My fat reminds me of the 3 healthy children I gave birth too, the expensive restaurants I got to eat at with my loving husband, the nights of eating ice cream with my elder boys and a movie, the long days I had at a full time job and came home a made dinner fro my family and didn’t eat because I went to bed. Reminds me Im a mother just doing her job and THAT makes me a sexy big girl.
I love every bit of your comment! Next time I have those negative thoughts I will remember what great memories I have made just the way I am!! Thank you Deedra!
It’s amazing how much power we give to words.
My husband has said very similar things to me over the years, and those guys of ours are right: the negative, hateful words that we attack ourselves with do much more damage than we even are aware of sometimes. It sounds like you had a wonderful husband. I’m also happy to hear you are taking control of your language… you are beautiful and should just allow the world to see you as such. ALSO, I loved the writing in this piece! So passionate!
Thanks Vanessa! On all accounts. 🙂 Sounds like you have a pretty amazing man standing beside you too! Gotta love those good guys!
Great post! This year I’ve lost a lot of pounds and even though I’m not on my ‘ideal’ weight and I do and will not (ever) look like the girls in all the magazine pics, technically I’m healthy now. I’m starting to accept myself and be proud of what I accomplished so far instead of focusing on losing more pounds.
And what’s more important, I’m learning to be proud of what I do, not what I weigh. We should all realise that beauty is on the inside. You are beautiful!
Healthy = Happy!! Thanks Christien!
Great Video and post. My most important goal when bringing up my daughter was fer her to love herself and her body!
That is a wonderful goal! I’d love to hear what you are doing to make sure she knows that. Thanks April.
I love this post!!! I also too often give the word FAT far too much power in my life! As I go through my pregnancy, there are days when it haunts me. This post has challenges me to not let it do that to me but to realize that I am doing something amazing with my body! You’re right! I can make good choices and continue exercising! Thank you again for this post!!
I think it is nearly impossible to have days when it doesn’t “haunt” you or me or anyone. It is what we do after those days that matter. The old me would have had a bad day and let it turn into a bad week… Now I try to let it just be a bad day. Congrats on your pregnancy again!!
I know another F word that I say to Fat.. Lol I’m content with my body no matter what size. I hate the word fat unless it’s something I’m cutting off my poultry or meat.
LOL!
I used to have the same deal with the word Skinny. I was on the other end of the spectrum when I was school aged and would often get made fun of for how skinny I was. Most of my family and extended family are a healthy weight or overweight so I felt very out of place, even in my family. I hated it, and I couldn’t see past how skinny I was. When I would talk about how I felt people were dismissive and sometimes–I’m not sure of the word–resentful, maybe, because how could a skinny person hate the way she looks?
On a different note, in our house, Fat, is a word said with pride. Both our boys are eager to eat their food every night because they want to have “fat bellies” (long story behind that). I do feel like I have some explaining to do, though, when my boys point out people in public places, and say with loud voices that the person has a “fat belly”. LOL. I want to say, “No, no, in our house, it is a good thing to have a fat belly.”
I agree with your husband, too. People love you for you. Most people who know you see the whole picture of you when they look at you and think about you. They see your personality, kindness, traits they admire, and the beautiful things about you. Let them. And believe them when they compliment you on those things.
Thank you Amy! Your kind words mean a lot to me!
What an amazing post! I was blessed with a wonderful metabolism and grew up a skinny kid, however having three babies in less than six years wrecked my body and I packed on the pounds. After what I knew was my last pregnancy, I had my tubes tied and was ready to change my life. I was 5’7″ and 209lbs (can’t believe I just typed that number here). I was disgusted. I was tired of taking pictures at certain angles to hide my flaws. So, I did something about it.
At the end of 2008, I calorie counted, exercised, and lost 55lbs. in about 6 months. Since then I have yo-yo’d a bit over the years. I’ve even had months at a time that I indulged in my love of food. Within the past 3 months, have also put an end to that and lost an additional 18lbs. I’m now smaller than I was before having kids and feel amazing.
Will I not eat things I love? No. I have a passion for food and love that I still have curves. I love myself. That’s all that matters in the end.
Wow Marcie! What a inspiration journey you have had! I’d love to sit down with you and chat about it sometime! Love this: Will I not eat things I love? No. I have a passion for food and love that I still have curves. I love myself. That’s all that matters in the end.
I love this. I am terrible with accepting compliments from my husband and it’s a major thing for me to work on.
Thanks Kelly. I still have to stop and correct my thoughts before I respond, and I don’t always catch myself. I am trying.
Great post, every day I struggle with my inner food addict demon. It wins most days, but I try.
Trying is all that counts. I think it’s when you stop trying that things develop into a problem.
It’s actually rude to react poorly to a compliment, and my husband HATES when I do that (and I know what he means…I hate when others do it to me)…why do we do this to ourselves??
It’s easier to deflect than accept. Thanks for sharing!
I honestly can’t see FAT as anything but negative though we know there are times when it is not. My daughter considers it a bad word.
I remind myself that you have to have and eat fat to be healthy. Without Fat you wouldn’t be able to survive. But I know the struggle to see it as something more than a bad thing.
THanks for this. It’s hard being pregnant and gaining weight. I have to remind myself it’s ok. I really appreciate you sharing this – perfect timing!
I know the feeling well. It is okay, and it is good. ((Hugs)) and enjoy growing that beautiful baby!
This was a great post. I definitely think that I find myself in this situation more often than not. I don’t know. Recently I feel like I’m getting into a groove where I’m feeling better about myself. I don’t know if its the fact that I’ve been able to do some clothes shopping and some trendy, more expensive clothes at that. I have a wonderful husband too 🙂
Wonderful support and new clothes always help! The little things and the big support really add up!
Great (and brave) post. The F word sucks. No nice way to put it.
And love your inspiration for the post.
Thank you Ashley!
Great post! My journey has changed in the past several months. It’s not about looks anymore, but health. As I’ve put more focus on my health and less on reaching a size that I think will make me happy, the weight has fallen off.
I too have switched my focus for weight to health. That is a great way to look at it!
That’s a powerful post, and a powerful video. As a fellow {fat} chick, I appreciate it!
Thank you Amanda. Means a lot to me to hear that!
Such a great post, Emily!
The word “fat” has such horrific connotations to it and the worst part in all of it is that we’re teaching it to young girls without realizing it. They want to be skinny, not healthy and that makes me sad…and a little angry. A little extra meat doesn’t make a girl fat or ugly and such negative talk is terrible for these girls.
I’ve struggled with my weight for YEARS and also my self-confidence. But like you, I’ve had to come to the realization that no matter my size I’m a beautiful woman. That the number on my jeans does not define who I am on the inside. Although I have a goal weight in mind on my weight loss journey, I am not tied to that number like it’s the be all and end all. What matters is that I am HEALTHY and in shape whether it’s 120 pounds or 160 pounds.
Thank you Kim! I love this: the number on my jeans does not define who I am on the inside Well said!
Honestly, I ‘ve been fat all my life. I don’t allow the term to define who I am. As Mable Simmons likes to say, “It ain’t what they call you but what you answer to.”
Love that quote! Thanks for sharing it!
I am the same person inside I was when I was thin and if people don’t want to look past my fat then I’m ok with not knowing them. Life is too short to wait to start living when I get thin again.
Thanks for being such an amazing person, always.
Well said Connie!! What a great way to look at it! <3 🙂
It’s amazing how badly we are always are own worst critic isn’t it?! Ugh! I applaud you for writing this post! Important things to remember for sure!!
Thank you so much for posting this, it’s very much appreciated!
I hate the F word. I needed to read this, thank you!
What a wonderful post. I do the same thing with my husband and I need to stop. He does see me as beautiful and I need to see myself through his eyes not my critical eyes. Thank you for sharing this.
It’s all in how you fell about yourself, and the choices you make. I didn’t change my lifestyle until my doctor told me that my cholesterol was too high. Heart attack high. I was happy with myself, so I didn’t care what I looked like. I do care about being there for my kids as they are growing up. That’s why I have worked hard on eating healthy and exercising.
Thanks, I needed this. I am trying desperately to go healthy ever since we had our first baby almost 3 years ago….I have been taking baby steps but we are going more and more organic and we all love it!