Recently I feel like I hit a wall when it comes to my blogging. When I started my blog I did so with two main principles in mind.
- Love To Write.
- Write What You Love.
I don’t believe that I have strayed too far away from those two principles, but I do see now the wall I am hitting when it comes to my blog is that I am NOT loving what comes out of my writing.
It’s a funny thing really. Family and Life in Las Vegas as a whole is doing really well. I am finally finding ways to turn my passion into my job. I would really like to go even further and make a career from my writing. Yet there is still a major pit in my stomach whenever I think about my blog and my writing. As I look over it, really look over my writing, I realize I am lacking a true sense of “me” in my blog.
Why? Why am I leaving out a crucial piece of my voice in my writing?
After chewing on this thought for quite sometime…I went back to my writing beginnings and I looked around. This is what I came up with.
My family reads this – I started my blog as a way for my husband to keep in touch with our life as he was deployed, and a place for my family to come to to read about my Squishy boy. Neither of our families lived anywhere close to Las Vegas, and a blog seemed like the perfect way to keep everyone as involved as possible. But I certainly wasn’t going to blog about a bout with anxiety, or how depressed I can get during a deployment. I didn’t want my family worrying. All-in-all I was/am doing okay, and the last thing I wanted was 5 phone calls after I wrote about my day.
I am trying to shield my vulnerability – Every time I press “publish” I am opening myself up to a possibility that some one won’t like what I have to say, or won’t agree with what I have to say. Leaving out my “true” or “full” voice allows me to keep from getting hurt.
I want to be liked – I am afraid to use my true voice, not only on my blog but in my life as well, because I worry it won’t be well received.
While the later two are ones I have struggled with my entire life, all of these tie in to each other. Writing a post about dealing with the tough sides of deployments, but leaving out the personal implications of it, meant that I wasn’t offending anyone, worrying my family, or leaving myself vulnerable on the blog room floor.
But it also means that I am leaving out parts of the story that someone might really identify with. That I may find writing about the things that scare me, might make me stronger. And that voicing my opinion, albeit scary as shit (yes, I say shit in real life more than I should), will leave me with the audience that I am truly meant to have.
So what if my family calls to see if I am okay after I write about the emotional breakdown I had saying goodbye to my husband on our 7th deployment. – Isn’t that what family is for?
Do I really care if someone doesn’t like knowing about why when some man brought his 4 year old granddaughter to “Act of Valor” I felt like crying out in the middle of the theater?
Does it really matter if someone sees me as weak for writing about my battle with emotional eating if I feel weak for not writing about it?
And who is to say that sharing about my battle to find balance in family and blogging is going to make me any less “likeable”?
It’s posts like these that I hope will ultimately give me strength, and I feel will finally bring my blog to the next level of writing what I love, and loving what I write.
How did you find your “true” blogging voice?
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