Recently I feel like I hit a wall when it comes to my blogging. When I started my blog I did so with two main principles in mind.
- Love To Write.
- Write What You Love.
I don’t believe that I have strayed too far away from those two principles, but I do see now the wall I am hitting when it comes to my blog is that I am NOT loving what comes out of my writing.
It’s a funny thing really. Family and Life in Las Vegas as a whole is doing really well. I am finally finding ways to turn my passion into my job. I would really like to go even further and make a career from my writing. Yet there is still a major pit in my stomach whenever I think about my blog and my writing. As I look over it, really look over my writing, I realize I am lacking a true sense of “me” in my blog.
Why? Why am I leaving out a crucial piece of my voice in my writing?
After chewing on this thought for quite sometime…I went back to my writing beginnings and I looked around. This is what I came up with.
My family reads this – I started my blog as a way for my husband to keep in touch with our life as he was deployed, and a place for my family to come to to read about my Squishy boy. Neither of our families lived anywhere close to Las Vegas, and a blog seemed like the perfect way to keep everyone as involved as possible. But I certainly wasn’t going to blog about a bout with anxiety, or how depressed I can get during a deployment. I didn’t want my family worrying. All-in-all I was/am doing okay, and the last thing I wanted was 5 phone calls after I wrote about my day.
I am trying to shield my vulnerability – Every time I press “publish” I am opening myself up to a possibility that some one won’t like what I have to say, or won’t agree with what I have to say. Leaving out my “true” or “full” voice allows me to keep from getting hurt.
I want to be liked – I am afraid to use my true voice, not only on my blog but in my life as well, because I worry it won’t be well received.
While the later two are ones I have struggled with my entire life, all of these tie in to each other. Writing a post about dealing with the tough sides of deployments, but leaving out the personal implications of it, meant that I wasn’t offending anyone, worrying my family, or leaving myself vulnerable on the blog room floor.
But it also means that I am leaving out parts of the story that someone might really identify with. That I may find writing about the things that scare me, might make me stronger. And that voicing my opinion, albeit scary as shit (yes, I say shit in real life more than I should), will leave me with the audience that I am truly meant to have.
So what if my family calls to see if I am okay after I write about the emotional breakdown I had saying goodbye to my husband on our 7th deployment. – Isn’t that what family is for?
Do I really care if someone doesn’t like knowing about why when some man brought his 4 year old granddaughter to “Act of Valor” I felt like crying out in the middle of the theater?
Does it really matter if someone sees me as weak for writing about my battle with emotional eating if I feel weak for not writing about it?
And who is to say that sharing about my battle to find balance in family and blogging is going to make me any less “likeable”?
It’s posts like these that I hope will ultimately give me strength, and I feel will finally bring my blog to the next level of writing what I love, and loving what I write.
How did you find your “true” blogging voice?
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I can entirely relate to this
Ive blogged what feels like forever and still struggle daily to be true to ME and to not divulge anything about anyone else they may not want shared—while still being authentic.
So, I need to tell you how much I love and admire your blog. I think you do such a good job at finding that balance. I love reading your personal and fitness posts, and I love the times you combine them! Thank you so much for this comment. Your support means the world to me.
As a fellow Military spouse and blogger I was deeply touched by this post. I have some of the same feelings and completely empathize with what you are saying. Blogging and life is not that different than running (interesting that you said you “hit the wall”) 90% of it is mental. You have the power to let go of your fear.. the power is in you right now (Easier said than done, in know). Take some time to go for a run, walk or some quiet time and sweep away the fear. Trust that the answers will come to you and allow without being attached to an outcome. Perhaps the timing is not right.. give yourself some time. YOU are loved and people hate because of what is going on in their own lives, it has nothing to do with you. I could go on and on but that is probably not what you need. There are good people out there who are truly interested in what you have say.. keep up your blogging, there are times when you feel strong and get vulnerable and other times when you need to protect yourself. I think this post alone shows how incredibly brave and strong you are. Big Hugs from a fellow military wife and blogger.
Thank you so much Lisa! Sorry I didn’t respond right away, your comment is very much appreciated. You are right – it is a lot mental. I just need to push past or through. I also like the point that there will be times with I feel strong, and times when I need to protect myself. Thanks!! <3
Did my last comment show up?… my computer was acting up. 🙁
Yes! I found it in spam, sorry – I am quite behind on following up with comments as my whole family is sick right now. 🙁 Thank you so much for your kind words of support!
It is SO important to have a voice that feels right and relfects you. I love the voice you show now, but if it doesn’t feel 100% genuine then you need to go with what feels right. And readers will still be there loving it, I’m sure!
Thank you Tina!! That means a lot. 🙂
I have to say that I struggle with finding/using my true voice too. Those fears you have are the same ones that I have as well.
Thanks for dropping by my blog and leaving a comment!
it took me a LONG time to find my voice and to not be afraid to put myself out there. good news is you started today, with this post! and it was awesome. now keep it up. write what’s in your heart. it’s what’s most relatable and what people love to read!
This is such a great post. I struggle with the same types of issues, especially about family and friends reading my writing. I liked it so much better when they never read it and thought blogging was “crazy”. I felt safe then, in my little corner where I could let it all out and not worry about the repercussions of my mom or mother-in-law reading what I wrote. I still haven’t moved past it, but I’m trying. That’s all we can do, right? Bravo to you for putting this post out there!
Thank you for the kind words Ashley! It means a lot. Some of my friends still think blogging is crazy. Hugs! 🙂
Dr Seuss is right on…don’t be afraid, just write what you love and know.
Thank you Penelope!
I’m still relatively new in the blogosphere, so I’m still seeking that balance, that freedom to share my voice and lay it all on the table. Your realizations here are inspiring though, and I hope I can follow suit.
Til then, you’ve got my vote to share the real you. Fill in those missing pieces, and people will love you for it.
Thank you so much Meredith!!! I appreciate your support!
I struggle with this almost every day I blog. I didn’t start my blog as a personal blog. Offline, I’m a very private person, it is a struggle for me to share personal things, feelings, etc. Good thing I’m married to a psychologist, eh–he can usually figure out how to get things out of me. Even though I never intended my blog to be personal, I’m beginning to want my readers to know ME and understand me. I feel like if my blog is to be any sort of meaningful then I need to write things that are meaningful…about myself. Not all the time, you know, but occasionally my readers need to hear my voice, my experiences good or bad. I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels what a struggle this is.
Amy, I really enjoy reading your blog, and I couldn’t agree with you more about the meaningful part. (Not that you need to write more meaningful, but I understand what you are saying), Maybe just doing it occasionally is good enough for now, and eventually it will all start falling in place. Thanks Amy!
It is SO hard sometimes to throw caution to the wind and to blog truly about whatever is on your mind in that moment. You start thinking about all the different types of people that read your blog and it can make you second guess. I think you’re doing the right thing but returning to your true roots and blogging for you, above all else. Once you get back to that, it’ll all fall into place in a comfortable, real, “you” way.
Jess! That is awesome advice! Thank you for stopping by and sharing it. I really appreciate it.
Em, I am so proud of you for writing this post. I’m sure you are expressing what many of us feel! I agree that it’s not a bad thing at all to let people know what you are going through and how you feel! It’s the good, the bad and the ugly and we love you for all of it!
Have I told you lately how much your support means to me? Pretty much one of the coolest things of blogging has been making friends like you! 🙂
Very good article! I shy away from certain topics bc I know that “person” reads my site. But that’s not why I started blogging 🙂
Thanks Crystal!
Wonderful post! This is something I want to completely stay true to and I feel so far so good. Like you said I want to talk about the things that maybe people will identify with. I think this is a great refresher so you stay true to you! You are awesome and people will see that if they haven’t already! And I already deal with the family calls they aren’t that bad. =)
Thank you Cassie!! You are so sweet! Good to hear the calls aren’t that bad!
I can so relate to this. I originally wanted my blog to be a place for just me to chat with people I didn’t know ..so I could just be me and say whatever I wanted. I didn’t ever expect to have more than a handful of followers. As It grew the goals changed and my family found it . Sometimes, a good thing sometimes not so much. My blog and voice are definitely a work in progress and you are such an inspiration to me.
Seriously that means a lot to me Amber! I have enjoyed watching your blog grow! Thanks for your kind comment!
This is such a great post! Proud of you! I think every blogger experiences these feelings, I know I certainly do. I think you should just let it all hang out (figuratively speaking, of course). Can’t live life for fear of haters and what others may think. I’ve been trying to challenge myself lately to write two “me” posts a week. So far, I’m not doing so great, but I’m hoping it will help center me back to why I started my blog in the first place! You rock!
Thank you Carrie – I like your idea of making sure there are one or two me posts per week. Maybe I will start focusing there. I can’t tell you how much I value your input and friendship! Xoxxo – PS Did you run today?!
Sometimes it IS hard to find. Sometimes when I’m writing, I’ll think — that’s just tooo personal. Most of the time it’s because I know that co-workers occasionally read. It’s also because I know that my grandmother and my parents read every single day. If I admit something…they’ll know it. My grandma actually emails me a response to every single blog I post so I know I’ll be getting some kind of feedback. However, I try not to let it hold me back. Poeple like your blog because of YOU…so stay true 🙂
Oh my goodness how sweet is your grandmother!! An email response every time! Love it. Thank you Ericka. Hearing it from someone else means a lot.
Great post and thoughts on how your blogging voice came to be. The blogs I love the most are ones where the author puts him/herself out there so you really get to know them. And if someone doesn’t like it–they don’t have to read! Dr. Seuss had it right! xo
Thank you Janetha. You are right, and I know I will get there! <3
Thanks for writing this.
To be totally honest, I don’t think I’ve really found my “true blogging voice.”
I try to only write about the good things because I think “who cares about the other stuff??” I really need to sit down and evaluate why I started blogging in the first place.
I really enjoy your blog Crystal, and would most likely enjoy the “other stuff” too! Thank you!!
My family used to read my blog and it caused me to delete it because they were so judgmental about what I wrote and looked at me funny and talked in hushed whispers about it. I just couldn’t take it. I started over after that with a new url. I’d like to think that I’d be strong enough to write whatever I want if they found it again, but I don’t know. You’re making a big step with this post!
I didn’t know that Liz. Thank you for sharing it with me. And thank you for your support!! It means so much!
You’re awesome, Emily! I feel the exact same way on some of the issues (I think they’re topics that all bloggers probably deal with) but I’m so proud of you for putting it out there and taking a step towards writing your true thoughts and feelings. We all love you for YOU, so know that we’ll always support you!
Xenia – I totally want to hug you right now! Thanks for your kind words! I love ya too!! <3
Great post! I know I can’t always write about the things I’d really like to or be as open as I’d like to, because my husband has asked me not to. Out of respect for him, I not do so. And, now that my son is getting older, I will probably not be able to write or post pics about/of him.
I completely understand you there. There are things that I will never blog about due to my hubs job. As my son get’s older the posts will be more limited too, unless he is okay with it. I think it’s good to have boundaries. Thanks Donna!
I hear ya. I’m still trying to find my true voice. Props to you for throwing this out there =)
Thanks Heidi!
*I will not do so. 🙂 Oh, as for my son, I meant I will ask his permission before sharing anything too personal about him.
I agree with you so much. I haven’t been enjoying a lot of what I’ve been doing either. I get tired of doing reviews, I need to come up with something that inspires me again. Thanks for reminding me
I love your blog Louise! I hope you find the inspiration again!! 🙂
Write what you love and what makes you happy. It’s your voice, your writing, your thoughts, your passion. It’s all you and that’s what matters most. Keeping true to who you are 🙂
Thank you for the support Kierston!!
Great post! It takes a lot of bravery to really put yourself out there. Good luck with finding your personal voice.
Thank you!! <3
I completely understand what you are saying. I live in Maryland – not one single family member of MINE lives here, or anywhere close. The closest relative is my mother and sister in New York (not the city which is 2 hours away.. more like western, NY which is 10 hours away) so, once my family started finding out I had a blog, they were all over it. I adore my mother, she is one of my best friends but I don’t tell her my day in and day out thoughts all the time.
I have finally realized, the true reason I started a blog was to track my training, and get stuff off my mind/chest. It’s to help ME and hopefully others along the way.. So, if people don’t like what I have to say, as much as that hurts – I try to realize that it’s all part of the process. In a way it’s like free therapy when people disagree with our blog posts… If we can be open minded enough to let their thoughts not just tick us off or hurt us, we can really really grow. I’ve also found the blogging community to be overwhelmingly supportive and helpful, even when I didn’t think I wanted or needed to hear it.
More so – I can totally relate to not wanting phone calls or worried family/friends. I was really afraid of them reading my blog when my brother passed. They’d call and worry and I would’t want to answer which only made them worry more – but that is I guess what family is for.. I just totally feel awkward uncomfortable and deal better by not talking about it with them. I still LOVE them though… And they know that
xoxo
I am so glad we met via FitFluential! Thank you so much for your kind words and support!! You are right – this is my space. I just have to get comfortable in sharing that full voice again! Xoxxo
I think I question my voice sometimes, too, because I’m afraid to talk about something that might be unpopular or make me open to criticism. It’s such a scary thing but it’s always such an important to realize that our blogs are our own and it’s the one place that it totally ours and where we can be ourselves. 🙂
Thank you Kelly – that is very true!
I am still working to find mine. I started my blog for one reason, but quickly realized that what I was writing wasn’t me. I then started letting more of my personality come through in the last year or so and am finally coming into my own.
That is awesome Kathleen – I hope I can say the same soon!! 🙂
This is a wonderful post and so true. I’m working at finding mine.
Thank you Theresa! I hope you find it too!
great post and thanks so much for sharing. You are very brave for talking about something a lot of bloggers should think about.
Thanks Vanessa!
I can totally relate. When I first started my blog, no one was reading, so I could be more honest. Now, my family, friends and community read and I do feel like I am more careful.
It’s hard to find the balance! Thanks for the support Maureen!
Wonderful post and reflections. I’ve always felt that I “knew” you when reading your posts though. I’m still trying to find my voice.
Thanks Adelina. I didn’t mean that I wasn’t being me – what I write about is me, I just feel like I have more to share/say than what I have. BTW thank you for always being so awesome and commenting all the time! It means a ton to me! I hope you find your voice as well!
I blog about what I am comfortable with. If there is something I don’t want people to know, I don’t blog about it.
Thanks Tammy!
I JUST wrote about this same thing a few weeks ago! I know exactly what you mean…
The post is here:
http://megsamommy.com/my-blog-life-crisis/
I’ve been blogging for about a year and a half, but have only recently felt like I ‘found’ my blogging voice. When I read some of my earlier pieces, they sound stilted and censored; not very conversational. Interestingly enough, when asked to write some ‘mommy blogger’ pieces for a local mall, I found it hard to use my regular blogging voice. Like the new audience wouldn’t know me and I couldn’t be truly conversational with them. Next time I write for someone else, I’ve promised myself to pretend I’m writing for my blog readers. Way more fun to write (and read too, I”m sure!)
Love that dr. suess quote. So happy to “hear” your voice friend.
Thanks Lindsay!
Hang in there! I too have been struggling with blogging lately, and trying to balance blogging/social media with everything else going on in life. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and congrats on your blog’s success!
Thank you Sarah! I appreciate the words and support! I really enjoy your blog, and hope you can find the balance as well!
I started blogging in 2008 to keep my family up to date with our first daughter – Isabella. I wrote about our day to day life. I enjoyed. I am now in a time of blogging that it has become more work than fun. I am trying to find a new balance and new voice. We’ll see. I love this post though. It meant a lot to read it. Thank you.
I first started blogging as a personal thing, so that I could vent/rant/let out my true feelings. However, like you, I have struggled (okay, still struggle) with being able to be “true” to myself on my blog. I think mine is the, “What will others think?” mentality. My family doesn’t really read my blog, but that does weigh on my mind when I think about something I really want to blog about. What if, for that one post, they did happen to read? All h*** would break loose!
I am trying to shake these feelings, however, and be more truthful on my blog. After all, I pay for the domain, hosting, etc, and write all the content. It’s MINE. I should get to say whatever I want, right? It’s not something that can be changed overnight, but I hope to let small doses of myself spill out in my posts until I feel more comfortable letting the world know what truly goes on in this head of mine! 🙂
Great post, and I wish you the best in being able to finding your true blogging voice!
So True! What a great post! I also find myself holding back the ranting and raging at times but it does come out too sometimes.
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